I’ve probably said this before but my biggest fear is boredom (my second biggest fear is falling but there’s not much I can do about that one). I hate being bored, I’d much rather do something that stimulates my brain than sit around doing nothing. Don’t get me wrong I love doing nothing, I probably do it better than anyone else, but it’s not my first choice of activities.
As of right now I am unemployed and it’s starting to bug me.
I left behind a job that allowed me to spend hours hanging out with some super cool, super fun to be around people and while I now get to actually be with my husband all the time instead of once every three months I still miss that comradery (or comaraderie, however you want to spell it). When told of my distaste for being bored many people have offered the “But you’ll be in Italy! You can travel around! You can see the sights!” line of attempted helpfulness. Those are true statements, I am in Italy, I can travel, and I can very well see the sights but 1. I don’t have the money to be running off to a new country every five minutes and 2. I’ve wandered all over Naples quite a few times and with how quickly stuff [doesn’t] change here it’s easy to run out of things to see. Even wandering around town can get boring, especially when you do it all the time. Unless I have a specific need for something going out to the stores just seems like a pointless venture. I’ve never been one to just randomly go shopping, I usually have something in particular I need to buy. I guess I just really want a job, a place to go everyday where I can use my brain and talk to people.
The main thing that happens when I get bored is I lose motivation. Instead of wanting to get out of the house and do stuff I get more and more into the rut of sitting around doing nothing. Of course then I get more anxious about the fact that I’m doing nothing and thus fall further into it. It’s a really stupid line of reasoning but sometimes I think my brain is kinda stupid. Giving myself the task of writing a blog post every day is proving equally difficult as I don’t really have a constant source of ideas to draw from. Or maybe I’m just really boring.
I am rather looking forward to heading to the Outer Banks of NC next Friday. It’ll be nice to go to the beach and see my family. I’m not super excited about the long plane rides but there’s nothing to be done about that.
Today’s activities so far have included doing laundry, washing dishes, watching Part 3 of Ken Burns’ Civil War, trying to teach myself to french braid my hair (if you have any tips please let me know) and that’s. about. it. I really, really want to attempt to get good at baking but with it just being Greg and I the resulting glut of calories would be a horrible idea.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but I’m hoping by getting it all out I’ll be able to move past it. Fingers crossed!